rePHILed

Month: February, 2013

Reminiscence

I’m currently stuck in the mrt station, waiting for my dad to pick me up after work. I fault this break in my well-planned schedule on the weather. Hence I’m using this time to be productive and do something that is of value in some way or another. For training today, I did short hurdles with the C boys after my long hiatus from
Short hurdles. I gotta admit I was pretty disappointed with the session overall but hey, there is sure to be some takeaways. Gain some lose some. I really clobbered the first few sets with shit technique and rhythm. But then I managed to really clamp down on my mistakes and made my last 3 sets worthwhile. Idling in this weather has also gotten me reminiscing on the past years. No matter where I stand now, I have come a long way since Secondary 1, shaving 20s off my 400m and 2.4s off my 100m. I’m also pretty decent over the 400mH race now. Arguably, I have achieved quite a feat relative to where I started and I’m proud of it. The medals that hang on my wall in my bedroom now are symbols of hardwork spent and sweat given year by year. It’s a really nostalgic feeling to just think back and remember all the training sessions that left an indelible mark in your mind. Those memories stay with you forever. Especially when the going gets tough; be it messing up a workout in training or a race during competition. Or even enduring the long and arduous train rides back home from the track everyday when your friends were happily at home 5 hours ago. It brings about a sense of accomplishment and I’m genuinely surprised I have lasted this long and not screw up my academics badly at the same time. Well I think my Dad is coming. No time to waste gotta go!

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How Bad Do You Want It?

I am starting this post with no clear end-point in mind so pardon me if anything sounds incoherent because I’m just ranting and typing whatever comes to my mind. So here we go. The week ahead is going to be a busy one, lined up impolitely with tests and a brutal competition to end it off. Things are going to get ugly. I am caught in this situation whereby I want to do well for both. The CT1 prefaces the year ahead and sets your momentum, while National Juniors is a major competition stage where I want to set a good PR. However, in the midst of my preparation, I am shrouded in a cloud of doubts and self disbelief. For example, I never really get around revising my work on time and I really drag it on quite a a a bit albeit not as much as previously. But what this tells me is, do I want this bad enough? What am I studying for? Why does the computer appeal to me more than my work? Is it because I don’t want the good grades badly enough? Or i just kinda want it. I came across this quote today by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “One of the illusions of life is that the present hour is not the critical, decisive hour” I am highly irritated with myself and my decisions. I mean this quote holds so much relevance to my life and it should be having a deep impact. But why does knowing the meaning of something,not tie in with putting it into practice? Is it my ignorance or am I too weak to step out of my comfort zone and start working my arse off? Also whenever I am satisfied with the amount of revision I have achieved and set out to attempt some test questions, I just fail miserably and this really dampens my confidence. It shouts to me that either I have not prepared enough, or I am just incapable. Similarly for track, I am majorly lacking in self-confidence. For one moment, I am super hyped up and pumped. I feel like I am invincible and able to utterly crush any one I race against. Like losing is not even an option. But then the next, I start questioning myself and I become full of doubts again: “what ifs” float around my mind and I just can’t get back into the “BEAST” mode. What is happening? Is there a secret to constant self belief that leads to dominance?  I would sure like to find that out. But I want to embark on this journey by myself. Sure others will be there to support me and render help. However ultimately this is me and me alone and no one else can run the race for me. Therefore, it all boils down to who wants it more. Who is willing and able to bleed more on the battlefield. I want to emerge victorious. I don’t want to lose. I want to be great. It is my last year in SJI, i won’t leave empty-handed. Am I ready for it? I really hope I am. I hope I find some source of motivation and inspiration next week. But for now, it is physics and SS tomorrow. After which, hopefully I can do some blocks to first 3 hurdles to make me a beast again. Ora Et Labora. Beast signing off. Beast needs to sleep. Beast will be out there so whoever hates me will have to watch me win.

Getting Started

So i guess it starts now. My debut post of my very first blog ever. What got me into starting this? Well, I guess I am in this phase of life where I’m trying to find my own identity and sometimes it isn’t easy to find an outlet to express your feelings. The web certainly makes for easier sharing of my inner thoughts. Furthermore, being in SJI for the 4th year now, I have been molded into a state of constant reflection of the things going on around me. Perhaps this will carry on for a substantial amount of time, or perhaps, it might just die off in the near foreseeable future. But I’m growing to like this idea of penning down your thoughts into a paragraph or two. It’s like thinking out loud, which really helps me understand myself better in hindsight. I also hope to vent my frustrations and worries on this blog by just typing it out, rather than keeping everything bottled up inside me. I’m not sure who reads this but to those reading this now, ciao. See you soon hopefully ^^